| school started.
im down from 2 jobs to one. oops. my mistake on the other job i lost. i
dont get it. i was giving up shifts, but im not reliable. fuck em i say.
now im stuck for money. with a job that will cut me soon..
shit.
i got my hair cut. im going shopping. and im gettin it colored next week.
yeah screw spending money i suppose.
i'll find a job soon.
hope the xanga world is well.. and you too.
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| im here.
if anyone cares or is looking for me. just here.
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| welcome to hell.
thats the first thing i'll see when i die. karma karma karma. my mother is right. do bad things, they will come back to haunt you. yup. thats what is going to happen if i keep this lovely charade up. yes.
fools in love, never knowing when they've lost the game.
i've lost the game. i have turned into a dark person who does not care. or chooses not to. im being selfish. again. and again. and again.
is there any other kind of pain?
yes. love. it needs to be done. but i cant. i want it all. selfish. ha.
are there any other creatures more pathetic?
im killing him slowly. im destroying his world. im messing with his psyche. im playing a puppet game and he has become my puppet.
welcome to hell.
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| ive become my fathers daughter. i did a bad thing. its too bad i dont feel bad about it. yes i know. im playing the selfish game. i need to play it. its been too long and i need new.
selfish maria..
stupid stats. stupid class. stupid failing grade. stupid gpa. why be taught from an institution when I need to learn from the college of life. no because a piece of paper will get me lots of money to move away from here. hmm..
hes great. opposite. complete opposite. its a good thing i messed it up already. its too fast but i need it.
he smokes. hmm i like. not good. i have a summer.. and then?
a break. im a horrible person. 2 years. 2 years and its come to this low level. i dont know man.
but hes just so great..looks good in sweats. mysterious mischievious looks..wow.
im messed up. i need time. hes not just it. everything else matters if it needs to work.
if i want it to work.
fools in love..
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| im stuck. i dont know where to go. i dont know what to do. i really should grow up. i should do something with my life that is meaningful and will give me meaning in my life.
i've hit a crossroads. i've started something. i want to end it almost. i just dont know..
i need to get out of here. there. somewhere. i need to accomplish things that i've dreamt about. but i cant.
im tied down.
tied down.
not good. not now and not this early. maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. maybe we cant survive. im losing faith in something that i once had, lost and half way regained. but i dont want to fully do it again.
new.
somewhere new. now. not later.
i have no time in this world. |
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